July 21, 202
We have all been there, maybe at a family function, maybe at work, maybe in a bible discussion with a friend. Someone expresses an idea that we know is wrong. Maybe it’s a moral issue like abortion or sexuality, maybe it’s a theological issue like how to be saved, or how we should worship. We think to ourselves how can I disagree without causing offence or getting into a heated argument? We may also think I know that’s not right but I’m not sure if I can effectively show why.
Often times the result of this situation will be we don’t say anything. This is not desirable for a number of reasons. First, if we love people we don’t leave them believing something harmful. Second, we have a command from the Lord to share the truth, and to be able to speak up for what we believe (Eph 4:15-16; Mat 28:18-20; I Pet 3:15-16). We leave the situation wishing we would have handled it differently. We may dwell on the event wondering what we could have done or said and imagining various scenarios both good and bad.
In our Wednesday evening bible study we have been discussing exactly this situation and learning ways to respond. The key theme has been responding in ways that don’t cause offence or lead to heated disagreements but instead lead to productive conversations.
There is far to much to cover here but let me share just one principle.
Instead of leaving the situation, or allowing someone to remain in ignorance there is a simple thing we can do. Just ask a question. Not just any question but specifically “how did you come to that conclusion?” or “why do you think that is the case?”
These questions show respect to the person we are talking to. They indicate that we likely don’t agree but are open to learning. They also help us to better understand where the other person is coming from.
Beyond these initial results, asking why a person believes what they do can challenge them to examine their beliefs. Sometimes just asking the question is enough to help them see the error of a weak position.
In addition, other good things can happen. We may be able to invite this person to further discussion. We may be able to simply ask more questions leading them to see an error in judgement or thinking. We may be able to offer a book or pamphlet or article that addresses the subject.
The beauty of asking a question is that it doesn’t lead to any kind of fight or dramatic confrontation. It doesn’t put either party in a defensive situation, at least at first.
Finally it allows us to exit the conversation without embracement to either party. Once we get an answer we can simply say, “I had not thought of that, let me do a little research or let me look into it a bit and ask you about it again later.”
This is just one of the basic tools we have learned in our Wednesday study. There are many more and anyone is welcome to join us.
~ Kevin Cleary